(Source: jasminejayne, via feminishblog)





Worst double standard, for real real.

Woooweee, doggie. Don’t get me started! (this means I agree far too much)

(via feminishblog)


Several factors cloud perspectives on BDSM and make it all the more difficult for the feminist women involved. For a start, pornography is not the most accurate portrayal of the scene. Sure it’s hot, and I’m a big proponent of porn, but it’s helpful to consider the differences between a kinky scene of whips and chains on the set of an adult entertainment film and incorporating similar stuff into a real life relationships. That is, porn will cut straight to the juicy middle of the action hot XXX material, but in reality (at least when you’re trying it out for the first time) there’s a whole lot of less sexy stuff either side. Boundaries established, safe words outlined, choices made and consent declared. Now, this can come about as a casual conversation and needn’t be a signed contract, but nevertheless it happens and makes a big difference to the personal security and state of mind of all participants.

Similarly, I doubt many practitioners of bondage and discipline get up and go about their day qualm free immediately after a session, or even roll over and go to sleep. Fetish clubs have ‘aftercare’ rooms for a reason. Sex involving BDSM is bound to be intense, and as part of a relationship where the ‘normal’ power dynamic is very different from the ‘sexual’ one even more so. The sex I have with my partner is genuinely scary, genuinely painful and I couldn’t be happier with this. But it means the attention I need afterwards is heightened and different from more typical sex. I need reassurance and comfort, and my partner knows this and will always provide.

[tw: misgendering of genitals] Why biological essentialism is not a good indicator of gender.



Penis is a male organ. Learn biology. Male and female are biological realities.

You can call yourself a “woman” but you cannot call yourself “female” if you have normally functioning XY chromosomes.

Penis is not a female organ.

Male and female relate to gametes only. Male and female are defined on gametes if a species has two kinds, and one is smaller. The smaller one is male. Thus ends the biological definition of male and female.

Chromosomes and stuff are how evolution builds a body to hold male or female gametes in the context of human sexual dimorphism. Different species do chromosomes differently, or use something else like how warm the egg is. Gametes are fundamental, X/Y chromosomes are just mechanism. Different species don’t necessarily have only one kind of male-plan body or female-plan body.

Evolution doesn’t exactly build a body as “male” or “female” either. There’s a lot of slippage in the process that constructs male-plan and female-plan bodies, and that’s clearly “deliberate” (evolution could tighten up the error checking, but has chosen not to). Complicated genders and complicated bodies seem to be an evolutionary advantage, in small numbers, such that there are enough cis straight people left over to breed.

Now you have learned some biology. Time to learn some sociology.

Privileging the biology as an explanatory excuse is something our society does to create castes called “sexes”, that relate only in the crudest way to biological reality. Defining two-and-only-two sexes is something our society does because they are castes, not because they relate in any reliable way to having large or small gametes, or the ability to carry or fertilize a pregnancy.

Penis is defined as a “male” organ because facing the biological reality that not everyone constructed with a penis has a male-plan brain would break the caste system.

When you define it as a “male” organ, you re reinforcing these patriarchal castes.

Now you have learned some sociology.

(via shameandcupcakes-deactivated201)

(via thecsph)

Sex Positive BDSM Comic


One thing I always get concerned about when seeing all the hype over the 50 Shades of Grey books is the portrayal of kink and the problematic issues of consent presented in those books. This comic, which is still ongoing, is a very sex positive and kink positive view of BDSM, while also setting a good expectation of consent and safety concerns. To top it off, it is well written as well, aside from typos. Just something you might be interested in.

Just started reading it. OH MY GOD YES PLEASE THIS IS LOVELY.




Ever hear of the Dollar Rubber Club? Well, let’s just say it will save a lot of people the agony of having to go to the store and buy condoms in public. (BTW, there’s nothing wrong with buying condoms in a store.)

Might I add that these are VERY reasonably priced.

(Source: dollarrubberclub.com, via fuckyeah-sexpositivity)

Mission: Great Sex! -- Lucky Bloke will be donating condoms to over 5,000 people worldwide!


Thank you for supporting us as we fight mediocre sex and STIs!


‎”It is going to take serious funds to deliver premium condom assortments to 5,000 people (and their partners) around the world, at no charge to them. To keep this review as unbiased as possible, we will not be accepting donations from condom manufacturers (and even at wholesale prices), 75,000+ premium condoms is a serious investment!”

LB will be donating over 75,000 condoms to 5,000 people around the world for FREE! To help make this project happen, follow the link below and donate whatever you can! $5, even though small, can buy a whole box of condoms at the grocery store. Imagine what it can do in bulk! Help encourage safer sex practices. 


Dear Planned Parenthood of Northern New England,

I was at one of your clinics today. Although I’ve been to Planned Parenthood before, this was the first time I had to check the box that said “Has anyone forced you to have sex?” It was why I was there, it has been six months and I was getting an HIV test. When the nurse practitioner asked me about that checked box, I teared up and blurted out my whole life story, how I kept trying to have sex with people because I thought I’d meet “the right person” or “someone who knew what he was doing” and would suddenly want what everyone else wanted. That for the first 24 years of my life I didn’t know that asexuality existed or that it was possible that I wasn’t broken, that there were other people like me. I told her that shortly after I had FINALLY discovered that there was a word for people like me and had decided that I never wanted to have sex again, I had a horrible encounter with a classmate. When I was all sobbed out and had nothing more to say, I looked up at her, she was smiling sympathetically but this poster on the wall behind her caught my eye. I scowled at it. She turned around. “All,” I said, “I hate that. I don’t like sex. A lot of people don’t!” She sighed and said, “I don’t like those either. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting sex, but they sent them to every clinic. I had no say in it.” She knew all about asexuality! I have never met a medical professional so accepting. She ran all the STI tests and referred me for rape counseling. She said I was not the only asexual person that’s been in that chair. I left the clinic feeling 100 times better than I did when I walked in, but that poster still bothers me.

I realize that sex positivity is extremely important, but poor wording can lead to asexual people feeling like we have to keep experimenting and pushing ourselves to do things we are uncomfortable with in order to be “normal.” True sex positivity recognizes that there is no “all,” no one way to experience sexuality, that every person has different attractions, desires, and needs, and that some people don’t experience sexual attraction at all. Some people don’t like sex, for whatever reason. And that’s fine! The message that mainstream society pushes is that EVERYBODY is a sexual person when that’s just not true. It is disheartening to receive this same message from Planned Parenthood, who I have always seen as “the good guys,” the kind of organization that understands non-heteronormative sexualities and gender identities. Although the Planned Parenthood website incorrectly defines asexual as “having no desire for sex play with a partner,”  asexuality is an sexual orientation that one is born with just like homo, hetero, bi, or pansexuality. An asexual person is one who does not experience sexual attraction. It has nothing to do with sexual activity or desire. Many asexual people experience romantic attraction and do have sex to please their non-asexual partners. Some asexual people enjoy sex if they have it (but are not sexually attracted to anyone and don’t seek it out), while others are indifferent or repulsed by it. Asexuality.org has more information.

I realize that most of your patients are sexual people, but one percent of the population is asexual, so if the population of the Northeast is 55,317,240, about 553,173 of us are asexual. I guarantee that I am not the only asexual person to use your services. I actively support your organization. I donate every time I visit and have written letters to the editor and and to my congresspersons in support of Planned Parenthood when it was de-funded in my state last year.  It saddens me that an organization so accepting of LGBT individuals would cover their offices in posters that may alienate asexual patients and contribute to the societal message that asexual people are “broken.” I wish that your poster said “most of us like to do it” rather than “we all.”  As your fantastic nurse practitioners know, asexual people exist.

-An Asexual Patient

(via fuckyeahsexeducation)



Simple flow chart of all you need to know.

(Source: dietsunkissed, via fuckyeahsexeducation)


I don’t know if rape jokes encourage rape culture. I don’t care. You still shouldn’t tell them.

Statistically, if you have told a rape joke to a group of more than five people, one of the people you told it to was a rape survivor, possibly of multiple rapes. They will not necessarily disclose this to you; rape apologism is endemic in society and most rape survivors are cautious about whom they tell. Some may even be too ashamed of their rape to admit it to anyone, or because of rape-minimizing narratives like “men can’t be raped” and “I consented to oral, so I couldn’t have been raped” may not admit it even to themselves. The fact remains: if you’ve told dozens of rape jokes in your life, then you have almost certainly told a joke that minimizes or trivializes rape in front of a survivor.

And if you put as your Facebook status “I totally raped at Halo today” for your two hundred Facebook friends to see, statistically, you have just reminded thirty-three people of one of the worst experiences of their entire lives.

To describe how well you did at a video game.

Good job!

An Addendum, On Rape Jokes. (via brittanynoell)

(via uclasexsquad)

(via fuckyeahsexeducation)